Hopelessness

May be a coronavirus after effect but a sullen resignation and hopelessness has dropped over me. Whatever I do I seem to be failing in gaining notice in the world. No one reads my blogs. Well, I have no indication that they do apart from a few twitter contacts. Can’t set up monster insights which should give me information about how many people are looking at my blog. It would probably only depress me if I ever, by some miracle, managed it.

My website has 9 items that need urgently looking at. They won’t be. I don’t understand what they are, never mind how to tackle them. Even if I managed it there is no point. The world will not notice. It doesn’t matter.

My latest book – which I thought was quite good has suffered from a lack of notice which advertising through Facebook and Amazon, in admittedly an incompetent and small way, has resulted in ‘Not a single click’ onto my book link. It annoys me that I am enriching the already super rich in a fruitless yearning for some small recognition. I don’t want much. I have recently noticed that after 2 books out for 7 years I am within grasping reach, with optimism, of reaching £100 sales for the whole 7 years. This is not great!!

But I am hopeless and do not know what I can do. Is there any point with continuing with Book 5 teasers? Is there any point in anything?

But then I think of all the sorrow in the world, and insanely it cheers me up. Life could be worse, a lot worse. I am trying to be grateful but every time I do I just think of how easily all the things I am grateful for could be taken away.

It may be Coronavirus after effects. It may be the world collapsing around me. It may be the pandemic getting to me. But we struggle on…